This is the word I have chosen to be my guide this year.
After spending the last few weeks reflecting on 2016 and figuring out what I would like 2017 to be, I have finally surrendered to this word. I say surrender because it has haunted me for days all the while I was rejecting it! Like a really annoying fly that keeps tickling your forehead and all you want to do is to squish it… I didn’t want to settle for it and looked for synonyms but none of them felt as right as that one.
I don’t like what discipline sounds like. It rings harsh and totalitarian but I was looking at it from the wrong angle.
Discipline is also a choice of living in order to achieve results. No one becomes truly successful in anything without the discipline to plough through thick and thin.
Lack of consistency is my downfall. I go head first in anything I attempt, full of enthusiasm and passion. I barely rest. I give it all.
Then things around me start to collapse. The laundry accumulates, the kids need to eat, the dog needs to be taken out, I neglect loved ones and friends, my inbox fills up and I begrudge all these things for trying to stop me from doing that one particular thing (insert passion of the moment) I love.
But soon enough I become overwhelmed because I hardly ever rest during that time and there is so much to catchup on.
It is my fault, I create the situation. I don’t stop when I need to, to recharge, to give the people and my surrounding the attention they need.
The overwhelm turns into disgust and I let go of my dream, until it hits me again with the same force next time and I do it all over again. I work in bursts when I should aim for endurance.
Last year I decided to take a break, I was at burn out level. I wanted to do nothing else than looking after my kids (part of the year I home-educated them), looking after our home and creating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, without goal or agenda other than enjoying it. I was able to do just that and feel most grateful for it.
In that time I have learnt many things. Not just new skills but a lot about myself as well. I was able to figure out a bit more of who I am, where I struggle or even fail and why: discipline.
I am not disciplined enough, that easy. Anything shiny grabs my attention and I get distracted super easily.
So I am embracing my word.
Whatever I do in the coming year will be sprinkled with discipline.
Discipline to make plans and follow them through.
Discipline to stay on course until I reach my goal.
Discipline to look after my health and fitness.
Discipline to keep clutter out of our home and be organised with all the things I dislike (laundry and meal plans I am looking at you).
Discipline to take consistent actions and to focus on my goal, even when all I want to do is try something new.
Let’s see how it goes…